What a reader can do

Email from my writing partner:

I had a note from the woman I pitched Embattled to. She said:

I bought your friend’s book, Embattled.  I had to start the book over when I hit page 14.  I was very confused.  Think I am over the hump now…

I wrote back. I said that this was a problem you had tried to deal with right from the beginning but if she could get past the first part she'd enjoy it and that your other books in the series don't have that problem and that I admire your writing. I told her you paint pictures with words.

This was not good, not good at all. I thought I’d solved the problem, but if readers still couldn’t get through the first few pages of Embattled, they’d never finish it, let alone go on to read the rest of the series.

My dilemma now is how to fix it. Do I rewrite the first few chapters? Do I rewrite the whole book? I’m finished the series and my new work in progress is something entirely different. At the moment, my head is not back with Embattled and I don’t know what to do. I can’t see any fix in this.                     

Email from my writing partner:

She wrote back:

Darlene might want to revise her book and add a prologue…

That was my thought when I returned to the beginning.  All confusion could be remedied with a short prologue with the male character and his sister giving a bit of what is going on before you reach that page where it makes sense.  There does not have to be much…She might be losing a lot of readers by not grabbing them at the get go… 

OMG! Why hadn’t I thought of that? This could be a simple solution to what seemed to be a complex problem.

Email to my writing partner:

I'm struggling with a “fix." I’m not keen on a prologue as some readers skip those. And as Robert Sawyer says, “Start where the story starts.” Maybe I could add this as the first scene of chapter one. Trouble is, I'm not quite sure how to do it. 

Here's what I've come up with so far - pathetic attempt, but a start ... maybe. 

Email from my writing partner:

Yes! That works.

Encouraging words, but we’ve both worked on the book for such a long time, I’m not sure we’re seeing this as clearly as we should.

Email to my writing partner:

Do you think the lady who's reading my book would take a look and say if she thought it would help or not? 

Email from my writing partner:

Do you want me to send this to her? I'm sure she'd be thrilled to think you cared about her opinion.

I ask her to please send it. I’m so wrapped up in this now that I don’t just want to know her opinion; I need to know her opinion.

Email from my writing partner:

She says:

That is perfect!  What works is that now you know when Em starts bouncing that it makes sense…  One suggestion:  Change it from Chapter 1 to Prologue.

Hope this helps!

Yes! It helps. Actually, it’s a minor miracle for this author.

Thank you to this reader and all who are so helpful to authors.

EMBRACED - Book 3

Read EMBATTLED and EMPOWERED free! emandyves.com

Now, see what’s happening in book 3 of the series EMBRACED

BLURB Curtis says the clickings in the fillings of my teeth are messages from aliens. He’s 14. What does he know?

The writing paper by my bed is another thing. I didn’t put it there. Curtis says I have to write letters to the editor and ask for things that will make the world a better place. Okay, I’ll humor the kid. Can’t do any harm.

Oh My God! Everything I’ve asked for is coming true. I’m so scared, I can’t breathe. Now what do I do?

Teachers beware for when aliens come calling with their secret codes, mind reading, magic powers, and reincarnation, who knows if gods’ promises can save you?

EXCERPT

“More drawings?” Curtis gestured at the papers she held.

Abby looked down at the pages and willed her hand to stop trembling. The three pages of code drawings seemed to shimmer and shiver with a life of their own. “Yes. Three pages. From Friday, Saturday, and last night. They’re pretty … they’re … pretty well done, I’d say.”

But Curtis was no longer listening.  He waved the papers she’d just handed him and almost shouted with excitement. “These are amazing. Way better than the first drawing you brought us.”

Abby stifled a small grin, but she had to agree. The drawings outclassed her scratches a million times over. “My friend developed instant artistic talent.”

“I’ll say.” Curtis shuffled the pages back and forth. He shook his head slowly and muttered “wow” over and over. Finally he looked up at her. “Miss D, thanks for getting so many. Now we have four to compare. We’ll see if there are any repeated patterns or sequences of symbols. Your friend is great to share these with us.”

“No problem.” Oh God, I’m such a liar. Of course there was a problem, and not just because she was lying to Curtis. My friend. How lame was that? The mere existence of the pages was the real problem. Some nights the clickings chattered incessantly in her fillings, almost driving her crazy. Those were the nights of very little sleep. The weekend had been eerily silent. That was a new phenomenon since Friday, no clickings, instead Coder Guy had begun leaving the pages filled with drawings. Either way—no escaping the code.

A while back, she’d grown tired of sharpening the pencil she used each night and replaced it with a pen, which was now almost out of ink. She’d have to remember to get out a new one tonight. Or maybe not? What would happen if there was no writing utensil?

“What’s so funny?” Curtis asked. Abby hadn’t realized she’d laughed out loud. The lack of pen wouldn’t stop her night visitor. She stifled another burst of laughter she knew bordered on hysteria. Truth was, much as the pages of code scared her, she’d be devastated if no more came. The person—being, alien, Coder Guy—was an integral part of her life now; his existence had established a rhythm that kept her balanced. Or so she thought. Maybe she was completely off her rocker.

Whatever the case, she didn’t want to lose that contact. Coder Guy’s presence warmed her, kept her from feeling alone and lonely. Oh, man, I am losing it here. Really losing it.

EMPOWERED - FREE when you subscribe

Double your reading pleasure with books 1 and 2 of the Em and Yves series.   

EMBATTLED FREE emandyves.com 

BLURB My face is on every television, in every newspaper. They say I’m saving the world. I know better. I’m a school principal not a superhero.

Of course that doesn’t explain the blood on my hands. Or the strange languages coming out of my mouth. Or the feel of swinging a machete. Or the sensation of lifting off the ground before I lose all memory.

Someone or something has hijacked my life. How do I get it back?

Alien contact leads to adventure and love as the characters involve themselves in world affairs in this science fiction novel series. But are humans given second chances after our superhero fights war or will the gods decide our fate?

Subscribe and get book 2 EMPOWERED FREE   emandyves.com

BLURB I do what I do to make the world a better place because of these visions I had when I was a kid. I’m sort of invincible too. Crazy, huh? And I’ve found my promised soulmate. Victor doesn’t believe he’s the one. Not yet, anyway.

Damn, damn, damn. I’ve been kidnapped. Victor will find me. He has to. Doesn’t he? The visions can’t be wrong.

With her bodyguards in the hospital it’s up to her watcher, the ex-cons, her dad, and friends to save her. Will they and her soulmate come to the rescue in time or will her delusions be her ruin?

EMPOWERED EXCERPT

“Okay, Unc, I’m dying of curiosity. What do you need?”

“Anything and everything you can find on Brian Berdin.” Maria’s eyebrows rose.

“The Mr. Berdin!”

“Yes.”

“Jeez, what’d he do? Rob a bank or something?”

“Nothing like that.” Nick grinned. “If I tell you why, can you keep it a secret?”

“From Mom and Grandma too?” Nick nodded. He could see the wheels turning. Maria loved subterfuge and wanted to be a police detective like him. He was confident she would keep his secret when many adults wouldn’t.

“He offered me a job.”

“What?” she squealed and then clapped a hand over her mouth. “Sorry Unc. I better be quiet or the boys will be in here and you know how they blab everything.”

“The chief recommended me for the job and I met with Mr. Berdin yesterday morning.”

“Were you nervous?” Maria asked. “I mean it being Mr. Berdin and all.”

“Yeah,” Nick admitted. “Who the hell wouldn’t be, Kiddo?”

“So when do you start?”

“I’m going to say no.”

“But, a chance to work for Berdin? Are you sure you want to give that up? I know you love being a cop but jeez, couldn’t you take a leave from work or something and try it anyway?”

“It’s tempting but, no.”

“But …” Maria stopped when Nick frowned at her. “Okay, okay, but if you’re not going to take the job, why do you want the info?”

“He made me an offer and I feel that I have to at least do the research to be fair before I give him my answer.” Maria nodded agreement. Nick knew that would make sense to her moral code too. What he didn’t tell her was just how tempting the offer was. He could buy a place for his mother, send her on a holiday to visit family in Italy, and ease the financial strain for Angie, Maria, and the boys. God, to do all that; to have real cash flow, no money worries. Much to his chagrin, he hadn’t been able to put the financial side of it out of his mind. “Also, see what, if anything, you can find on Jasmine Wade.”

“His sleepover?”

“Maria!”

“Give it up Unc. I know all about that stuff.”

“You kids grow up too fast,” he muttered as he studied the little girl become woman. How had that happened? Just yesterday she was a miniature of her mother.

Maria groaned. “I’m almost fifteen for heaven’s sake, not a baby. You sound just like Mom.”

“Okay, okay.” Nick held his hands up in surrender.

“Did you see Miss Wade? What’s she like? What was she wearing? Are her eyes really that green? I mean, in pictures they look brilliant. Is she as beautiful in real life as in her pictures?”

What a reader can do

Email from my writing partner:

I had a note from the woman I pitched Embattled to. She said:

I bought your friend’s book, Embattled.  I had to start the book over when I hit page 14.  I was very confused.  Think I am over the hump now…

I wrote back. I said that this was a problem you had tried to deal with right from the beginning but if she could get past the first part she'd enjoy it and that your other books in the series don't have that problem and that I admire your writing. I told her you paint pictures with words.

This was not good, not good at all. I thought I’d solved the problem, but if readers still couldn’t get through the first few pages of Embattled, they’d never finish it, let alone go on to read the rest of the series.

My dilemma now is how to fix it. Do I rewrite the first few chapters? Do I rewrite the whole book? I’m finished the series and my new work in progress is something entirely different. At the moment, my head is not back with Embattled and I don’t know what to do. I can’t see any fix in this.                     

Email from my writing partner:

She wrote back:

Darlene might want to revise her book and add a prologue…

That was my thought when I returned to the beginning.  All confusion could be remedied with a short prologue with the male character and his sister giving a bit of what is going on before you reach that page where it makes sense.  There does not have to be much…She might be losing a lot of readers by not grabbing them at the get go… 

OMG! Why hadn’t I thought of that? This could be a simple solution to what seemed to be a complex problem.

Email to my writing partner:

I'm struggling with a “fix." I’m not keen on a prologue as some readers skip those. And as Robert Sawyer says, “Start where the story starts.” Maybe I could add this as the first scene of chapter one. Trouble is, I'm not quite sure how to do it. 

Here's what I've come up with so far - pathetic attempt, but a start ... maybe. 

Email from my writing partner:

Yes! That works.

Encouraging words, but we’ve both worked on the book for such a long time, I’m not sure we’re seeing this as clearly as we should.

Email to my writing partner:

Do you think the lady who's reading my book would take a look and say if she thought it would help or not? 

Email from my writing partner:

Do you want me to send this to her? I'm sure she'd be thrilled to think you cared about her opinion.

I ask her to please send it. I’m so wrapped up in this now that I don’t just want to know her opinion; I need to know her opinion.

Email from my writing partner:

She says:

That is perfect!  What works is that now you know when Em starts bouncing that it makes sense…  One suggestion:  Change it from Chapter 1 to Prologue.

Hope this helps!

Yes! It helps. Actually, it’s a minor miracle for this author.

Thank you to this reader and all who are so helpful to authors.